tales of a sober lad

July 27, 2009

yet another bad news

Filed under: Rants — Tags: , , , , — crossedfingers @ 6:06 pm
I may have lung cancer. Just learned this a while ago when I visited my Oncologist this afternoon. Honestly, I kind of expected this na ever since the day my pathologist revealed to my family that my tumor necrosis is only 20% (given the of average 80% -90%). According to my doctor, I am a record holder in their book because I am their only patient EVER who has responsed this badly to their treatments. So yeah, my doctor told me that I will not be undergoing the originally planned 4 chemotherapies anymore. Instead, I would have to take 6 more as a way to cure the problem.
Naturally, I didn’t take the news lightly. I honestly felt devastated. I was in shocked from the time it was revealed to me upto the time I got home. I even shed a few tears while I was still in the clinic. I guess it was just my initial reaction to my new situation. Things did even get worse when I was already in the car. I just cried heavily. No one could stop me from crying. No words of encouragement lightened up my feelings at that time. I just couldn’t help it. Thinking that I may not have a life ahead of me destroys me big time. I have always thought and believed that I will surpass this circumstance. But now, I don’t know. I still need to have a CT-SCAN to verify the spread of my cancer cells though, so it’s not really 100% sure yet. But if the spread has really occured, then probably I would raise the white flag already. Based on what I’ve read in the internet and what was told to me by my doctors, once the cancer cells spread, especially with the type of cancer that I have now, my cancer would be much harder to cure. And if ever I decide to still fight it, the drugs that will be used on me would be more aggressive, which would then affect my whole body and my mental state badly.
And if I were to die with this sickness, I don’t seriously want to die in pain. I don’t want to allow my body to suffer more from chemotherapy. Chemotherapy is hard, just so you know. I just want to try to make the most of my time with my family and friends. So yeah, that’s pretty much what I want. But I’m sure that my parents wouldn’t agree. But anyway, I’m just hoping for the best now.

I may have lung cancer. Just learned this a while ago when I visited my Oncologist this afternoon. Honestly, I kind of expected this na ever since the day my pathologist revealed to my family that my tumor necrosis is only 20% (given the average of 80% -90%). According to my doctors, I am a record holder in their book because I am their only patient EVER who has responsed this badly to their treatments. So yeah, my doctor told me that I will not be undergoing the originally planned 4 chemotherapies anymore. Instead, I would have to take 6 more as a way to cure the problem.

Naturally, I didn’t take the news lightly. I honestly felt devastated. I was in shocked from the time it was revealed to me upto the time I got home. I even shed a few tears while I was still in the clinic. I guess it was just my initial reaction to my new situation. Things did even get worse when I was already in the car. I just cried heavily. No one could stop me from crying. No words of encouragement lightened up my feelings at that time. I just couldn’t help it. Thinking that I may not have a life ahead of me destroys me big time. I have always thought and believed that I will surpass this circumstance. But now, I don’t know. I still need to have a CT-SCAN to verify the spread of my cancer cells though, so it’s not really 100% sure yet. But if the spread has really occured, then probably I would raise the white flag already. Based on what I’ve read in the internet and what was told to me by my doctors, once the cancer cells spread, especially with the type of cancer that I have now, my cancer would be much harder to cure. And if ever I decide to still fight it, the drugs that will be used on me would be more aggressive, which would then affect my whole body and my mental state badly.

And if I were to die with this sickness, I don’t seriously want to die in pain. I don’t want to allow my body to suffer more from chemotherapy. Chemotherapy is hard, just so you know. I just want to try to make the most of my time with my family and friends. So yeah, that’s pretty much what I want. But I’m sure that my parents wouldn’t agree. But anyway, I’m just hoping for the best now.

Blog at WordPress.com.