tales of a sober lad

June 4, 2009

anatomical cravings

Filed under: Rants — Tags: , , , — crossedfingers @ 8:05 am

anatomyCan you find me the person who has these:

BRAIN that will never cease to believe in me 
EYES that will see me beyond my imperfections 
EARS that will listen and understand 
TONGUE that will whisper I care 
HANDS that will join me in prayers 
HEART that will love me unconditionally 
ARMS that will protect me from harm
FEET that will join me in my journey steadily 

Ok, emo much?! Don’t mind me. I just feel like I deserve more – that I deserve someone better. Or maybe I’m just missing someone so much right now. But anyway, it’s so hard to demand when things are not out in the open. So, nevermind. I  just want to rant.

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May 31, 2009

i’m back

Filed under: Random — Tags: , — crossedfingers @ 2:28 pm

loveSo yeah, I’ve been out of the blogosphere for quite a while and it’s primarily due to the lack of inspiration to write. A lot has happened lately and enumerating every single thing would be like counting sand, so I would rather not go to that direction. But anyway, little by little, the desire and the need to write are slowly coming back to me and I’m seriously loving it.

Well to be honest, I’m happy right now. Whether or not this feeling would move at an increasing rate is still in question, but I just want to think and believe that it would. Anyway, I think it’s always better to be optimistic, right? So basically, I just want to share that I’m very happy right now because someone’s making me happy. I’m not quite sure if that person is aware of the impact that that person is bringing on me given my situation, but I would like to believe that that person does know. Because after all, I have showed every sign that I could deliver to show my happiness to that person. Ugh ok I’ll stop talking na. I don’t want to be too happy. Too much is not good sometimes anyway.

Till then!

December 26, 2008

letter from a broken lad

Filed under: Random — Tags: , , — crossedfingers @ 4:04 pm

geer_letter_650Before, you said that we’re good. And I just remained quiet. No questions asked. No further arguments. You just said that we’re already good. But what the hell does that mean? Be more specific. Be clearer. Say what you really mean. Just please don’t beat around the bush. You know I would understand. There is a lot of time in this world, but some things are not just meant to take THAT long. So please, I’m begging. Be more direct. Say what you feel and I would, with no any hard feeling, accept whatever it is that you would want to say. I just want things to be more cleared up. I don’t want to play games with you anymore. I’m tired, just so you know. I don’t want to spend my night thinking about our should haves, could haves, and might haves. I want everything to be laid flat and transparent so that there would be no need to assume, to expect, and to get hurt.

And now, it’s different. I’m not sure if it was me who has changed or it is you who did. But either way, I don’t like this change. Things aren’t the same anymore. And I know you know it. But as to whether you like this change or not is still a big mystery to me, so please speak up. Or at least make me feel your side.

And why the sudden change? That’s all I want to know. Speak to me even for a bit. I just want to know. Am I asking for too much? Is IT too much? Please. Answer me. I just need you to enlighten me, to clear my mind, and to allow me to digest every single bit of this situation.

But I guess this is going nowhere. It seems that you have already made up your mind. So I guess that’s basically it. No more phone calls and no more small talks. Just plainly no communication at all.

I’m not sure if our paths would ever cross again. But hey, I would still look forward to seeing you in the future. And maybe, by then, things would be better. But again, I don’t want to keep my hopes high because it would only make me more prone to more failed expectations. And I can’t take any more pain. I believe I have endured enough. Taking in more of such would probably be my instant ticket to the crazy world that people like you have founded. So again, I’m asking you wholeheartedly to make things easier for me. Just be forward. That’s all I’m asking. Nothing more, nothing less. And let’s just see where it would take us.

December 19, 2008

emotional glitches

Filed under: Random — Tags: , , , — crossedfingers @ 7:27 am

depression

Just a random thought:

Those people who are angry at each other about silly things are usually the ones who care about each other the most.

When you start to feel something special for someone, it’s as if a new person is born. Your mood will be better, your attitude would be improved and your outlook towards life would be reformed. It’s as if everything seems great that all you could wish for is to be with the person you like and just wish for the time to stop so you could savour every moment you have with that person.

However, what if it’s the other way around? Instead of becoming better, you start to become cynical. All you do is doubt whether or not that person would ever truly like you back and just hate yourself for admiring that person too much that you tend to forget that there are still other people who could make you happy.

Now what if this is the case? Would you still continue on with your feelings? Or would you just hold your breath for a while, think of the situation carefully, sort things out and try to decide the best move that could take you to normalcy again?

Which one would you prefer?

As for me, the former would be the easier option. However, a lot of complications go with it. It is so because if you continue to like a person who is not clear with his/her feelings with you, then chances are that person may not feel the same way as you do. And in effect, you would just be hurt enormously just like randomly getting hit on the head by a falling rock which came from nowhere. But if you’re lucky enough, and you found out that the person you like has romantic feelings for you as well, then you just made the right move. You’ll probably end up happy and you guys would probably be together.

As for the latter option, a lot of time is needed in order to do this. Not only that, determination and guts are also highly essential. It is so because when a person would want to move on from an unrequited love, or from a wrong relationship, a lot of guts and focus are needed. Inevitably, it’s hard to say goodbye to a person that has been a part of our life. That is why when you want to move on; you have to prepare yourself for a rocky adventure.

Moving on is not easy. I bet many would agree. It takes a lot of thinking, focus and determination. For some, they try to move on by focusing on other things, trying to distract themselves from the root cause of their sadness. They would engage themselves in activities that could temporarily extinguish their sadness, though in reality, it’s just a way for them to cloud their true feelings. But for me, I guess it’s all a matter of being with my closest friends and enjoying their company so as to forget the feeling of loneliness and depression that might have been bugging me.

So you see, it’s not easy to be in love. It’s even more complicated than being single at all. But come to think of it, why are there still a million, even a billion of billion of people, who are courageously trying to be in love when in the end, when their relationship fails, all they do is cry, that they just tend to isolate themselves from other people and just contain their unwanted feelings? Well, I guess it’s more about experiencing a love that is greater than ordinary love. But again, what makes the two different when in both ways, you will still be loved?

Anyway, I think I’ll just pretend to be asleep now because my body is definitely killing me. Or maybe I’ll just bum around here and probably feed myself with some good food.

December 13, 2008

currently…

Filed under: Random — Tags: — crossedfingers @ 11:04 am

chem20love1

I think I’m in love.

Or maybe I just like that person so much.

Or maybe it’s just some sort of infatuation.

But I don’t care.

For now, I just want to savour the feeling because it makes me want to wake up everyday and just think about that person every now and then.

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