tales of a sober lad

August 24, 2009

missing a lot

54450_16522_d36b1394bd_pI miss buying grocery stuff with my family.I miss lifting grocery bags from the car’s trunk to the kitchen. I miss buying Country Style donuts before my TREDTRI class. I miss buying french toast in the morning and eating it during class. I miss staying at the LS benches before class starts. I miss staying at the Conservatory when I get to school in the morning. I miss seeing my friends at the Amphi theater when classes are all over. I miss my long walks with Ken and Tabs. I miss taking pictures with friends. I miss joking around with friends practically anytime and anywhere we feel like joking around. I miss drinking alcoholic drinks with friends in Trinoma. I miss using my laptop in the Conservatory. I miss the free WiFi in school. I miss Mildred’s Chicken Barbeque. I miss Flaming Wings’ Chicken Tenders. I miss Reyes’ Barbeque’s Chicken and Pork Barbeque. I miss Greenplace, EGI, Lair and Agno. I miss my Mercury Drug in EGI. Still can’t recall the real name of the store. Haha. I miss riding the cab with my friends on the way to Glorietta/Greenbelt/Shang. I miss the days when Vickie, Patrick and I would ride the cab in the afternoon from school to Fort just to hang out. I miss going home from Fort, Rockwell, Shang, Glorietta and Greenbelt in a cab. I miss riding the jeepney with Ken from Glorietta or Greenbelt. I miss eating at Greenbelt 1’s McDonald’s. I miss riding the jeepney from school. I miss riding Kenneth’s car. I miss having what-to-wear-today problems. I miss panicking in the morning because the shirt/pants that I want to wear is not ironed yet. I miss looking for my underwears in the morning. LOL. I miss being with family on Sunday masses. I miss going to the mall on Sundays after the mass. I miss lurking around the mall looking for new clothes to buy. I miss my People are People-Zara-Springfield routine whenever I’m in Glorietta. I miss my Topman-Zara-People are People-Springfield routine whenever I’m in Rockwell Powerplant. I miss saving my allowances just to be able to buy another cool shirt/pants/shoes/haircut. I miss having my haircut. I miss staying at Starbucks in Rockwell, 1st floor with friends. I miss studying in Coffee Bean, Robinson’s Place. I miss my Dairy Queen escapades with friends. I miss watching movies with friends. I miss going home late at night because I practically have to go home from Trinoma or somewhere else that’s too far from home. I miss riding the bus from Trinoma to Guadalupe. I miss riding the LRT from Taft to EDSA. I miss riding the MRT from EDSA to Ayala/Guadalupe/Shang /Trinoma. I miss sleeping in hotels with friends for free. Always thanks to Kevin’s dad. I miss Ira’s Fontana Birthday. Everyone I miss now was there. I miss doing study groups at Kenneth’s house. I miss being tutored by JP. I miss doing thesis. I miss it, not love it. I miss sleeping late because of paper works. I miss doing MICREC problem sets. I miss playing badminton professionaly. I miss doing stage plays. I miss all my friends, seriously. Haven’t seen most of them for quite some time already. Generally speaking, I miss my old life.

P.S. My CT Scan results were negative. I don’t have lung cancer. Yey! 😀 At least good things are still happening to me after all this crap. Hehe.

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July 27, 2009

yet another bad news

Filed under: Rants — Tags: , , , , — crossedfingers @ 6:06 pm
I may have lung cancer. Just learned this a while ago when I visited my Oncologist this afternoon. Honestly, I kind of expected this na ever since the day my pathologist revealed to my family that my tumor necrosis is only 20% (given the of average 80% -90%). According to my doctor, I am a record holder in their book because I am their only patient EVER who has responsed this badly to their treatments. So yeah, my doctor told me that I will not be undergoing the originally planned 4 chemotherapies anymore. Instead, I would have to take 6 more as a way to cure the problem.
Naturally, I didn’t take the news lightly. I honestly felt devastated. I was in shocked from the time it was revealed to me upto the time I got home. I even shed a few tears while I was still in the clinic. I guess it was just my initial reaction to my new situation. Things did even get worse when I was already in the car. I just cried heavily. No one could stop me from crying. No words of encouragement lightened up my feelings at that time. I just couldn’t help it. Thinking that I may not have a life ahead of me destroys me big time. I have always thought and believed that I will surpass this circumstance. But now, I don’t know. I still need to have a CT-SCAN to verify the spread of my cancer cells though, so it’s not really 100% sure yet. But if the spread has really occured, then probably I would raise the white flag already. Based on what I’ve read in the internet and what was told to me by my doctors, once the cancer cells spread, especially with the type of cancer that I have now, my cancer would be much harder to cure. And if ever I decide to still fight it, the drugs that will be used on me would be more aggressive, which would then affect my whole body and my mental state badly.
And if I were to die with this sickness, I don’t seriously want to die in pain. I don’t want to allow my body to suffer more from chemotherapy. Chemotherapy is hard, just so you know. I just want to try to make the most of my time with my family and friends. So yeah, that’s pretty much what I want. But I’m sure that my parents wouldn’t agree. But anyway, I’m just hoping for the best now.

I may have lung cancer. Just learned this a while ago when I visited my Oncologist this afternoon. Honestly, I kind of expected this na ever since the day my pathologist revealed to my family that my tumor necrosis is only 20% (given the average of 80% -90%). According to my doctors, I am a record holder in their book because I am their only patient EVER who has responsed this badly to their treatments. So yeah, my doctor told me that I will not be undergoing the originally planned 4 chemotherapies anymore. Instead, I would have to take 6 more as a way to cure the problem.

Naturally, I didn’t take the news lightly. I honestly felt devastated. I was in shocked from the time it was revealed to me upto the time I got home. I even shed a few tears while I was still in the clinic. I guess it was just my initial reaction to my new situation. Things did even get worse when I was already in the car. I just cried heavily. No one could stop me from crying. No words of encouragement lightened up my feelings at that time. I just couldn’t help it. Thinking that I may not have a life ahead of me destroys me big time. I have always thought and believed that I will surpass this circumstance. But now, I don’t know. I still need to have a CT-SCAN to verify the spread of my cancer cells though, so it’s not really 100% sure yet. But if the spread has really occured, then probably I would raise the white flag already. Based on what I’ve read in the internet and what was told to me by my doctors, once the cancer cells spread, especially with the type of cancer that I have now, my cancer would be much harder to cure. And if ever I decide to still fight it, the drugs that will be used on me would be more aggressive, which would then affect my whole body and my mental state badly.

And if I were to die with this sickness, I don’t seriously want to die in pain. I don’t want to allow my body to suffer more from chemotherapy. Chemotherapy is hard, just so you know. I just want to try to make the most of my time with my family and friends. So yeah, that’s pretty much what I want. But I’m sure that my parents wouldn’t agree. But anyway, I’m just hoping for the best now.

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