tales of a sober lad

June 4, 2009

anatomical cravings

Filed under: Rants — Tags: , , , — crossedfingers @ 8:05 am

anatomyCan you find me the person who has these:

BRAIN that will never cease to believe in me 
EYES that will see me beyond my imperfections 
EARS that will listen and understand 
TONGUE that will whisper I care 
HANDS that will join me in prayers 
HEART that will love me unconditionally 
ARMS that will protect me from harm
FEET that will join me in my journey steadily 

Ok, emo much?! Don’t mind me. I just feel like I deserve more – that I deserve someone better. Or maybe I’m just missing someone so much right now. But anyway, it’s so hard to demand when things are not out in the open. So, nevermind. I  just want to rant.

A(H1N1) Update 2

Filed under: Random — Tags: , , , , , , , , , — crossedfingers @ 6:52 am

thinking

Just today, a second case of the notorious virus, A(H1N1) Influenza virus, has been confirmed at the De La Salle University – Manila. The new victim is a 20-year old male graduate school student who is believed to be the roommate of the first victim, who is a 19-year old female Japanese exchange student. The two is believed to live in the same dormitory and share the same four classes.

 This is not good news to all Lasallians because the names of the two victims are still not disclosed. I understand the reason for not disclosing their names, but how would the students know if they had any interaction with these victims if in the first place, they are not aware of their names? But oh well, I guess we just have to be more careful now. I just feel sorry for these two victims and I just hope they’ll get well soon.

June 3, 2009

dreadful mri result

Filed under: Rants — crossedfingers @ 1:50 pm

3554074701_5f395e9755_o“As compared with the pre-neoadjuvant chemotherapy MRI from Makati Medical Center in February 2009, there is no significant interval change in the percentage/degree of necrosis within the osteosarcoma. In addition, the size of the tumor has increased (from 4.5 x 5.8x 8.5 cm to 4.5 x 6.4 x 10 cm). The findings are consistent with poor response to chemotherapy.”

I really am saddened by this result. I don’t know what to do. I feel helpless again.

heartless, kris allen

Filed under: Music — Tags: , , — crossedfingers @ 11:31 am

kris-allen-no-boudnaries

In the night, I hear ’em talk,
the coldest story ever told
Somewhere far along this road, he lost his soul to a woman so heartless..
How could you be so heartless?
Oh.. How could you be so heartless?

In the night, I hear ’em talk. the coldest story ever told. Somewhere far along this road, he lost his soul to a woman so heartless. How could you be so heartless? Oh.. How could you be so heartless?

How could you be so, cold as the winter wind when it breeze, yo. Just remember that you talkin’ to me though. You need to watch the way you talkin’ to me, yo. I mean after all the things that we’ve been through. I mean after all the things we got into. Hey yo, I know of some things that you ain’t told me. Hey yo, I did some things but that’s the old me. And now you wanna get me back and you gon’ show me. So you walk around like you don’t know me. You got a new friend, well I got homies. But in the end it’s still so lonely.

-Heartless, Kris Allen

The original version of this song done by Kanye West is just okay. It is usually played in clubs in the metro and that’s it. However, when Kris Allen, the newest American Idol, performed it on stage during the Top 3, the song ultimately became the best song cover ever performed throughout the season. Majority of the American Idol critics share the same sentiment and most actually believe that it is the most artistic performance ever since it is one of those performances wherein the cover is actually much, much better than the original. So there you go, just click on the link to see the video.

Youtube link: Click here.

A(H1N1) Update

afraidOh no! Classes will be suspended from June 4-14 in my school (DLSU) because there is this one International girl student who brought the scary A(H1N1) Influenza virus to school. I mean, she could have brought to school some lovely souvenirs for her friends and the other people, right? But instead, she brought the globally recognized notorious virus to school! Come on! Honestly, I feel sad for her because she has the virus, but a part of me hates her because now my friends are at risk of carrying the virus as well. I just hope no one else got infected by the virus. *crosses fingers

my picks: fall 2009 collection

Filed under: Fashion — Tags: , , , — crossedfingers @ 9:42 am

Designer: Miharayasuhiro
I love the one in the left. The all black ensemble may seem to be the conventional style throughout the years, but this specific look brings out the chicness that most 3-piece suit lack.
3568464573_943c832b3c_o
Designer: Burberry Prorsum and Bill Brandt
In the picture below, I specifically like the first two looks. For one, the trench coats have this 2 shades of black that fit well together. Moreover, the slim-fit style of the coat and the rolled up sleeves bring out the edginess that most suits nowadays lack.
3569272932_19721f161d
Designer: Hutson
I really, really love the brown trench coat seen in the picture below. It is mainly because most guys wear black trench coats that I feel like this uber chic brown trench coat would emanate a look that would make one really stand out in the crowd. And oh yeah, did I mention how cool the belt is? And that gray pants that’s rolled up, which is by the way the in thing last season. Gosh, I so love this look.
3569337340_5a878325d8_o

Images are all from El Bosquejo

June 2, 2009

just when i thought i was happy

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: — crossedfingers @ 4:32 pm

42-15810276All the while, I thought this was real. Too bad, it wasn’t. I guess I’ll just try my luck again next time when I’m better. Or maybe I’ll just wait for that right person to come. But I’m tired of waiting. Maybe, just maybe, next time, I’ll just let things happen. I would not expect anything, so there would be no more disappointments. Hayyyy. This is depressing. I shall stop now. Till then.

May 31, 2009

i’m back

Filed under: Random — Tags: , — crossedfingers @ 2:28 pm

loveSo yeah, I’ve been out of the blogosphere for quite a while and it’s primarily due to the lack of inspiration to write. A lot has happened lately and enumerating every single thing would be like counting sand, so I would rather not go to that direction. But anyway, little by little, the desire and the need to write are slowly coming back to me and I’m seriously loving it.

Well to be honest, I’m happy right now. Whether or not this feeling would move at an increasing rate is still in question, but I just want to think and believe that it would. Anyway, I think it’s always better to be optimistic, right? So basically, I just want to share that I’m very happy right now because someone’s making me happy. I’m not quite sure if that person is aware of the impact that that person is bringing on me given my situation, but I would like to believe that that person does know. Because after all, I have showed every sign that I could deliver to show my happiness to that person. Ugh ok I’ll stop talking na. I don’t want to be too happy. Too much is not good sometimes anyway.

Till then!

March 24, 2009

an hour of desperation

Filed under: Rants — Tags: , , , , , — crossedfingers @ 8:58 am

March 18, 2009

Only yesterday did I realize the value of an hour.

Yes, to some people, an hour is just another 60 minutes that can be taken for granted or can be wasted by basically playing video games enthusiastically, by sleeping in class until the bell rings, or by sleeping while dreaming of being the next James Bond.

And yesterday, it really frustrated me to know that I don’t have that hour anymore to spend more time with my friends. My dad called me up and said that he was already about to fetch me because I need to be admitted to the hospital immediately. And I panicked so much because I have not been able to say goodbye to most of my friends. And it really, really made me feel bad. I was really upset and was angry at my dad for not giving me the chance to be with my friends for the last time in a normal situation. Now that I’ll be stopping my schooling for about a year, the thought of not being able to see my friends frequently destroys me.

I just wished that I had than 1 hour or more to say my goodbyes and my see you laters. But oh well…as the cliché goes, “There’s always a next time.” So I guess I’ll just have to wait for that time.

Anyway, have to rest now. I need to be perfectly healthy and strong before my first chemotherapy. Till next time! 🙂

iCANCERvive

Filed under: Random — Tags: , , , , — crossedfingers @ 8:56 am

March 17, 2009

I’m sick.

Actually, I have been sick in the past three months. It’s just not that apparent because I try to hide my ailment from everyone because I really hate it when people see me in my weakest form or when people think that I am too fragile. That is why only those who are really close to me know my real situation. But now, I think I can’t hide it anymore. I just cannot pretend that everything is fine when in reality, I’m deeply wounded. My physical appearance undoubtedly conceals my true condition. There are still a lot of people who think that I just got into an accident, which would explain my use of crutches. Little do they know that I’m just trying to make myself look not sick because I feel awkward whenever people stare at me whenever I walk in a room. Those piercing glances honestly make me feel bad. It’s as if I’m this person who is carrying a very deadly disease to the point that they would do everything just to get themselves away from me. But what can I do? I didn’t wish to be in this position. I didn’t choose to be here. If it had been in my way, I would choose to continue my studies and graduate on time, to be with my friends and act like everything’s perfect, and to be the same old James that I used to be.

At the age of 19, I never thought that I would be diagnosed of having Osteosarcoma. It is the most common bone cancer, which I happen to possess. To be quite honest, it really came to me as a bad surprise when I learned about my condition because I was perfectly healthy prior to my diagnosis. I have been happy and joyful all my life. All my friends and relatives can attest to that. That is why it really makes me sad whenever I think about my condition.

As bad as it may sound, there were really times when I’m in the car then I get to see this person who’s completely homeless lying on the street, then I would just think to myself “Why me? Why not this guy who has relatively nothing much to lose?” Then I would just be left blank; not knowing what to feel. Yeah, I know it’s so selfish and cruel of me to ponder such thing. But I guess the whole cancer thing has not sunk in my mind yet. So, forgive me.

I have also come to realize, now that I’m in this position that we do really tend to forget about how great life is, and how much life has blessed us. Only in times of desperation and desolation do we begin to look back at the things that made our lives special and memorable. Before, I really just value only a limited number of friends because I’m a person who has immense trust issues. I only honestly trust people who I feel comfortable with. But now that I’m out of school, I regret not spending time with most of my friends. I was in this bubble which has prevented me from opening up to other people, and I really, really, seriously regret it.

And now, all I can say is that I’m full of regrets. There are a number of things that I wished I could have done, or could have tried doing, but instead I turned around and backed out. Even if I’m still at the starting point of my treatment, I think I have learned quite a few interesting things already, and I’m excited to learn more as I reach the finish line. And I hope I reach that end point smoothly. That is why I’m securely keeping my fingers crossed till I reach that much awaited point.

But on another note, I feel scared. In the coming weeks, I will be undergoing a series of therapies and a major surgery that could definitely change my whole life. And I am honestly petrified because I think my body and mind are not yet prepared for the changes that are about to happen. When asked by people, I always say that I am ready, but to be really, really honest, I am not. These treatments are very crucial, though vital. But I can’t help but think the of possible bad outcomes that may happen. And I’m scared. I have plans for myself before all this happened, and now I feel like everything has been obliterated in an instant. And I seriously don’t know how to rebuild those plans again because I don’t know where to start, and how to start it. But as my friend would remind me, “Just cross the bridge when you get there.” So, I guess I’ll just do that.

Anyway, I have to rest now. Till next time! 🙂

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