tales of a sober lad

July 27, 2009

yet another bad news

Filed under: Rants — Tags: , , , , — crossedfingers @ 6:06 pm
I may have lung cancer. Just learned this a while ago when I visited my Oncologist this afternoon. Honestly, I kind of expected this na ever since the day my pathologist revealed to my family that my tumor necrosis is only 20% (given the of average 80% -90%). According to my doctor, I am a record holder in their book because I am their only patient EVER who has responsed this badly to their treatments. So yeah, my doctor told me that I will not be undergoing the originally planned 4 chemotherapies anymore. Instead, I would have to take 6 more as a way to cure the problem.
Naturally, I didn’t take the news lightly. I honestly felt devastated. I was in shocked from the time it was revealed to me upto the time I got home. I even shed a few tears while I was still in the clinic. I guess it was just my initial reaction to my new situation. Things did even get worse when I was already in the car. I just cried heavily. No one could stop me from crying. No words of encouragement lightened up my feelings at that time. I just couldn’t help it. Thinking that I may not have a life ahead of me destroys me big time. I have always thought and believed that I will surpass this circumstance. But now, I don’t know. I still need to have a CT-SCAN to verify the spread of my cancer cells though, so it’s not really 100% sure yet. But if the spread has really occured, then probably I would raise the white flag already. Based on what I’ve read in the internet and what was told to me by my doctors, once the cancer cells spread, especially with the type of cancer that I have now, my cancer would be much harder to cure. And if ever I decide to still fight it, the drugs that will be used on me would be more aggressive, which would then affect my whole body and my mental state badly.
And if I were to die with this sickness, I don’t seriously want to die in pain. I don’t want to allow my body to suffer more from chemotherapy. Chemotherapy is hard, just so you know. I just want to try to make the most of my time with my family and friends. So yeah, that’s pretty much what I want. But I’m sure that my parents wouldn’t agree. But anyway, I’m just hoping for the best now.

I may have lung cancer. Just learned this a while ago when I visited my Oncologist this afternoon. Honestly, I kind of expected this na ever since the day my pathologist revealed to my family that my tumor necrosis is only 20% (given the average of 80% -90%). According to my doctors, I am a record holder in their book because I am their only patient EVER who has responsed this badly to their treatments. So yeah, my doctor told me that I will not be undergoing the originally planned 4 chemotherapies anymore. Instead, I would have to take 6 more as a way to cure the problem.

Naturally, I didn’t take the news lightly. I honestly felt devastated. I was in shocked from the time it was revealed to me upto the time I got home. I even shed a few tears while I was still in the clinic. I guess it was just my initial reaction to my new situation. Things did even get worse when I was already in the car. I just cried heavily. No one could stop me from crying. No words of encouragement lightened up my feelings at that time. I just couldn’t help it. Thinking that I may not have a life ahead of me destroys me big time. I have always thought and believed that I will surpass this circumstance. But now, I don’t know. I still need to have a CT-SCAN to verify the spread of my cancer cells though, so it’s not really 100% sure yet. But if the spread has really occured, then probably I would raise the white flag already. Based on what I’ve read in the internet and what was told to me by my doctors, once the cancer cells spread, especially with the type of cancer that I have now, my cancer would be much harder to cure. And if ever I decide to still fight it, the drugs that will be used on me would be more aggressive, which would then affect my whole body and my mental state badly.

And if I were to die with this sickness, I don’t seriously want to die in pain. I don’t want to allow my body to suffer more from chemotherapy. Chemotherapy is hard, just so you know. I just want to try to make the most of my time with my family and friends. So yeah, that’s pretty much what I want. But I’m sure that my parents wouldn’t agree. But anyway, I’m just hoping for the best now.

July 17, 2009

the inconvenient truth

Filed under: Random — Tags: , , , , — crossedfingers @ 3:39 pm
One of the things in life that we can’t preclude aside from death and change is the truth. Some of us, if not all,
may have had our fair share of experiences wherein we tried to conceal the truth from others. We may have our
own different intentions for doing such secrecy, but regardless of our intentions’ nature, we all have failed. And to
those who up to now are successful in fooling others, soon enough everything will be out in the open. It may take
weeks, months, even years, for the truth to be hidden, but no matter how hard we try to keep the secret veiled,
the truth shall find its own way to be discovered.
So one piece of advice, as soon as possible, unconver the facts to those concerned. Many might get hurt, but that
should be expected. It is really hard to accept the truth, most especially when it has to with a lot of people close
to you. But people are forgiving. Just remember that. It’s part of our human nature. Some may take a while to
forgive, but indubitably, in time, all will be well. Explain everything lucidly and just wait for their acceptance and
forgiveness. Who knows, the people around you may have thought about it being existent beforehand and have
somehow accepted the possibility for it to be true. Wouldn’t that be easier for everyone?
Although speaking about the truth would really require someone to have a vast amount of courage. We won’t be
hiding it in the first place if we know that there’s a possibility for us to be worse off, right? So think about it. And I
mean it. Don’t ponder about it once or twice, but as many time as possible because when the truth reveals itself,
surely, you’ll be in trouble. Just remember: truth hurts, but not knowing will always and forever be harder.

One of the things in life that we can’t preclude aside from death and change is the truth. Some of us, if not all, may have had our fair share of experiences wherein we tried to conceal the truth from others. We may have our own different intentions for doing such secrecy, but regardless of our intentions’ nature, we all have failed. And to those who up to now are successful in fooling others, soon enough everything will be out in the open. It may take weeks, months, even years, for the truth to be hidden, but no matter how hard we try to keep the secret veiled, the truth shall find its own way to be discovered.

So one piece of advice, as soon as possible, unconver the facts to those concerned. Many might get hurt, but that should be expected. It is really hard to accept the truth, most especially when it has to with a lot of people close to you. But people are forgiving. Just remember that. It’s part of our human nature. Some may take a while to forgive, but indubitably, in time, all will be well. Explain everything lucidly and just wait for their acceptance and forgiveness. Who knows, the people around you may have thought about it being existent beforehand and have somehow accepted the possibility for it to be true. Wouldn’t that be easier for everyone?

Although speaking about the truth would really require someone to have a vast amount of courage. We won’t be hiding it in the first place if we know that there’s a possibility for us to be worse off, right? So think about it. And I mean it. Don’t ponder about it once or twice, but as many time as possible because when the truth reveals itself, surely, you’ll be in trouble. Just remember: truth hurts, but not knowing will always and forever be harder.

Blog at WordPress.com.