tales of a sober lad

December 30, 2008

say (all i need), OneRepublic

Filed under: Music — Tags: , , — crossedfingers @ 2:43 pm

onerepublic_dreamingoutloudDo you know where your heart is? Do you think you can find it? Or did you trade it for something, somewhere, better just to have it? Do you know where your love is? Do you think that you lost it? You felt it so strong but nothing’s turned out how you want it.

Well bless my soul, You’re a lonely soul. ‘Cause you won’t let go of anything you hold. “Well, all I need is the air I breathe and a place to rest my head”

Do you think I can find it? Do you think you can find it? Do you think you can find it (yeah), Better than you had it?

-Say (All I Need), OneRepublic

I have been a fan of OneRepublic’s music ever since they released their song Apologize, which apparently gave them their much awaited break in the international music scene. Now, this song called Say (All I Need) has been my LSS these past few days and I’m pretty sure you will like it, too!

Youtube link: Click here.

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December 26, 2008

letter from a broken lad

Filed under: Random — Tags: , , — crossedfingers @ 4:04 pm

geer_letter_650Before, you said that we’re good. And I just remained quiet. No questions asked. No further arguments. You just said that we’re already good. But what the hell does that mean? Be more specific. Be clearer. Say what you really mean. Just please don’t beat around the bush. You know I would understand. There is a lot of time in this world, but some things are not just meant to take THAT long. So please, I’m begging. Be more direct. Say what you feel and I would, with no any hard feeling, accept whatever it is that you would want to say. I just want things to be more cleared up. I don’t want to play games with you anymore. I’m tired, just so you know. I don’t want to spend my night thinking about our should haves, could haves, and might haves. I want everything to be laid flat and transparent so that there would be no need to assume, to expect, and to get hurt.

And now, it’s different. I’m not sure if it was me who has changed or it is you who did. But either way, I don’t like this change. Things aren’t the same anymore. And I know you know it. But as to whether you like this change or not is still a big mystery to me, so please speak up. Or at least make me feel your side.

And why the sudden change? That’s all I want to know. Speak to me even for a bit. I just want to know. Am I asking for too much? Is IT too much? Please. Answer me. I just need you to enlighten me, to clear my mind, and to allow me to digest every single bit of this situation.

But I guess this is going nowhere. It seems that you have already made up your mind. So I guess that’s basically it. No more phone calls and no more small talks. Just plainly no communication at all.

I’m not sure if our paths would ever cross again. But hey, I would still look forward to seeing you in the future. And maybe, by then, things would be better. But again, I don’t want to keep my hopes high because it would only make me more prone to more failed expectations. And I can’t take any more pain. I believe I have endured enough. Taking in more of such would probably be my instant ticket to the crazy world that people like you have founded. So again, I’m asking you wholeheartedly to make things easier for me. Just be forward. That’s all I’m asking. Nothing more, nothing less. And let’s just see where it would take us.

December 21, 2008

i’m yours, the script

Filed under: Music — Tags: , , , — crossedfingers @ 2:12 am

the-script_huge3

You touch these tired eyes of mine. And map my face out line by line. And somehow growing old feels fine. I listen close for I’m not smart. You wrap you thoughts in works of art. And they’re hanging on the walls of my heart. 

I may not have the softest touch. I may not say the words as such. And though I may not look like much. I’m yours. And though my edges may be rough. And never feel I’m quite enough. It may not seem like very much. But I’m yours.

-I’m Yours, The Script

This song is one of those songs which has the ability to make me feel relax and sad at the same time. The combination of the song’s melancholic melody and right-on lyrics unconsciously makes me think about how my life could have been had I been less insecure and more confident of myself. Yeah, I know. It’s kind of emo-ish, but what the heck. I’m sure you’ll like this song, too!

Youtube link: Click here.

December 19, 2008

emotional glitches

Filed under: Random — Tags: , , , — crossedfingers @ 7:27 am

depression

Just a random thought:

Those people who are angry at each other about silly things are usually the ones who care about each other the most.

When you start to feel something special for someone, it’s as if a new person is born. Your mood will be better, your attitude would be improved and your outlook towards life would be reformed. It’s as if everything seems great that all you could wish for is to be with the person you like and just wish for the time to stop so you could savour every moment you have with that person.

However, what if it’s the other way around? Instead of becoming better, you start to become cynical. All you do is doubt whether or not that person would ever truly like you back and just hate yourself for admiring that person too much that you tend to forget that there are still other people who could make you happy.

Now what if this is the case? Would you still continue on with your feelings? Or would you just hold your breath for a while, think of the situation carefully, sort things out and try to decide the best move that could take you to normalcy again?

Which one would you prefer?

As for me, the former would be the easier option. However, a lot of complications go with it. It is so because if you continue to like a person who is not clear with his/her feelings with you, then chances are that person may not feel the same way as you do. And in effect, you would just be hurt enormously just like randomly getting hit on the head by a falling rock which came from nowhere. But if you’re lucky enough, and you found out that the person you like has romantic feelings for you as well, then you just made the right move. You’ll probably end up happy and you guys would probably be together.

As for the latter option, a lot of time is needed in order to do this. Not only that, determination and guts are also highly essential. It is so because when a person would want to move on from an unrequited love, or from a wrong relationship, a lot of guts and focus are needed. Inevitably, it’s hard to say goodbye to a person that has been a part of our life. That is why when you want to move on; you have to prepare yourself for a rocky adventure.

Moving on is not easy. I bet many would agree. It takes a lot of thinking, focus and determination. For some, they try to move on by focusing on other things, trying to distract themselves from the root cause of their sadness. They would engage themselves in activities that could temporarily extinguish their sadness, though in reality, it’s just a way for them to cloud their true feelings. But for me, I guess it’s all a matter of being with my closest friends and enjoying their company so as to forget the feeling of loneliness and depression that might have been bugging me.

So you see, it’s not easy to be in love. It’s even more complicated than being single at all. But come to think of it, why are there still a million, even a billion of billion of people, who are courageously trying to be in love when in the end, when their relationship fails, all they do is cry, that they just tend to isolate themselves from other people and just contain their unwanted feelings? Well, I guess it’s more about experiencing a love that is greater than ordinary love. But again, what makes the two different when in both ways, you will still be loved?

Anyway, I think I’ll just pretend to be asleep now because my body is definitely killing me. Or maybe I’ll just bum around here and probably feed myself with some good food.

December 13, 2008

the man who can’t be moved, the script

Filed under: Music — Tags: , , — crossedfingers @ 12:38 pm

39Going back to the corner where I first saw you. Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I’m not gonna move. Got some words on cardboard got your picture in my hand. Saying if you see this girl can you tell her where I am. Some try to hand me money they don’t understand. I’m not…broke I’m just a broken hearted man. I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do. How can I move on when I’m still in love with you…

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you’re missing me. And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be. Thinking maybe you’d come back here to the place that we’d meet. And you’d see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I’m not moving…I’m not moving.

-The Man Who Can’t Be Moved, The Script

If you’re into some feel-good, pop-rock music, then you better listen to this song by an Irish band called The Script. I’m so addicted to this song that I listen to it everyday. I guess it’s primarily due to the fact that it just brings a different kind of feeling to me whenever I hear this song.

Youtube link: Click here.

currently…

Filed under: Random — Tags: — crossedfingers @ 11:04 am

chem20love1

I think I’m in love.

Or maybe I just like that person so much.

Or maybe it’s just some sort of infatuation.

But I don’t care.

For now, I just want to savour the feeling because it makes me want to wake up everyday and just think about that person every now and then.

lose control

Filed under: Rants — Tags: , , , — crossedfingers @ 10:49 am

Today is officially a bad day for me. For one, I was not able to go to school because my alarm failed to wake me up, yet again. I was supposed to give the umbrella back to Nikole because he left it yesterday. However, since I woke up so freaking late, I think I will only be able to return it back to him when we meet again, which is probably next year because he will be off to China with some of my blockmates on the 17th.

Anyway, since school has already been crossed out in my to-do list, I just instead went to the salon to have my stylist cut my 3-month old, long, bulky and irritating hair. Upon arriving, my stylist asked me about what I want to do with my hair. I clearly told him that I want it to be short, but not too short. Then he just smiled and started cutting. And after some 25 magical minutes of styling and cutting, my hair is finally short. The bad part though is the fact that my stylist cut it too short. Like really, really short! And I hate it. I was like panicking after seeing the result. But there’s nothing I can do about it, so I just immediately left the salon after paying for my haircut.  (Ok now I’m regretting the fact that I still gave him a tip even if he was too deaf and stupid to comprehend what I ordered him to do with my hair. Ugh.) Anyway, after leaving the salon, I hurriedly went to the restroom to fix my hair on my own. But unfortunately, it’s too short that I can’t even style it.

Dammit! I’m really just so irritated with how things went out today. Honestly, I just want to scream right now so as to release the negative energies flowing inside my body. I seriously cannot imagine things to get a lot worse anymore. I badly need to sidetrack my attention on something else in order to feel better. I guess I’ll just resort to eating and sleeping. A bum’s life is, without a doubt, always a good cure anyway.

December 11, 2008

(another song) all over again, justin timberlake

Filed under: Music — Tags: , , — crossedfingers @ 3:56 pm

justin-timberlake-futuresexlovesounds-front1I’m not a saint. I’m just a man. Who let heaven and earth in the palm of his hand. But I threw it away. So now I stand here today asking forgiveness. And if you could just

Please give me another chance. To write you another song. Take back those things I’ve done. Cause I’ll give you my heart. If you would let me start all over again.

-(Another Song) All Over Again, Justin Timberlake

The words speak for itself.

I firmly believe that second chances are only given to those who deserve it. And guess what; don’t even consider yourself qualified because I’m already tired of your apologies and nonsensical words. You know who you are!

Youtube link: Click here.

December 10, 2008

just a state of mind

Filed under: Random — Tags: , , , — crossedfingers @ 7:37 am

Being happy, as most people would say, is a state of mind. This means that our happiness merely depends on how we look at life or how we view the way things are presented to us. It’s like if life offers you a basket full of happy things, then treat every single piece of that basket as a gift because everything could really make a complete 180 in a matter of seconds. It could be that one day you could just be spending the best day of your life in an isolated, fully developed island with lots of gorgeous people surrounding you, and then the next day, you could be crying your eyes out alone in your room for ruining your own life by chiefly committing stupid, extraneous mistakes.

Sadness, on the other hand, is also a state of mind. This goes for depression, anxiety, and paranoia as well. It is so because when life begins to complicate things already, which then causes you to go insane 24/7, coping with life’s changes seems to be a very hard task to do. In most cases, it takes time for a person to adjust. And in some cases, some people are just left trapped in their complicated world due to their inability to adjust to life’s modifications. It is consequently just necessary for a person to have the guts to offset life’s impediments through positivity because when a person looks at things, may they be good or bad, in a positive way, coping would not be that very hard to do. Life would become and feel easier and lighter when we are happy. It’s as if you are effortlessly lifting a 40lb dumbbell with your pinkie finger.

So when life provides you a basket full of things to be happy and sad about, I would suggest that you just ignore the bad ones and concentrate on the better ones in order to have a better life and a better mind. Though it takes a lot of courage to not mind the unwanted things, just the act of trying could make a huge difference. Also, it is therefore just important to make the most out of what you have right now and feel glad for every little blessing that you have been given because when life starts to be a bitch, you could only wish for things to return to the way they were.

So there, I guess I just have to keep these things in mind because seriously, I have been so paranoid and sad in the last 48 hours.

December 6, 2008

stochastic sulks

Filed under: Uncategorized — crossedfingers @ 11:16 am

Ever wondered why even though how hard we try, and how much we have succeeded, everything seems to be not enough? And that you still feel lonely at the end of the day despite of the number of people you interact with moment by moment.

Well, as I was sitting at the end of my room, looking at the sunset as its yellow-orange-ish sunlight passes through my windows; I can’t help but reflect on how my life has been lately, or even in the last couple of years. As I was browsing through the pages of the book that a friend lent me, I noticed that the story seems to be not getting anywhere in my system. It’s as if my mind is preoccupied with something else: something that has been bothering me lately that I actually can neither describe nor explain.

But after a while of ignorance and a little mix of paranoia and disturbance, I somehow finally had a theory. Just like a cloud, which has an erratic form, drifting through the skies without actually having a fixed destination, I find myself having no destination as well.

Throughout the course of my existence, I have been semi-obliged to do things in order to have a good life. Semi because I firmly believe that I was still able to do things my way, having my own disposition determine the decisions and actions that I have made. But why am I doing all these things for? I mean, yeah, I do this and that in order to have a good future. But what the hell is there for me in the future? Like seriously, can you tell me now how your life would be like 20 years from now? Or what would happen to me next year, or even tomorrow? Would I have 10 children and 3 wives? Or would I become a filthy rich man living alone? Come on! Spill it to me now if you know it! But if not, then think about yours!

So now I’m confused. I just wish that there’s a way for me to see, even just for a peek, how things are going to be once I turn 30 or 35 because in one way or another, it could definitely give me a little push to really work hard. Because now that I feel like life has been living me, instead of me living my life, I find it hard to exert some effort in reaching my aspirations.

So pretty much, drinking almost every week, smoking cigarettes once in a while and partying every now and then has been my routine lately because it seems that these three have been my life’s remaining pleasures.

So to put things simply, I have nowhere to go. Add to that is the feeling of how much I feel so fucked up.

Well, I guess I’m just a failure.

Only God knows how hard I tried to please everyone. But I guess I have already reached my satiation point.

I think it’s already just time for me to take care of myself and please myself first before I start pleasing other people again.

But on second thought, I think I would not bother pleasing other people anymore because it’s really just a matter of acceptance. It’s like it’s either you like me or not.

Anyway, I’ll end it here. I’m a little high right now, which explains my random, weird thoughts. And just so you know, I’m not into drugs okay? This entry is merely a result of my natural highness.

And by the way, I so fucking hate ^$#$%#$! That person really brings the worst in me and makes me feel weird things, especially when things are actually fine. Hmmp. Bye!

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