tales of a sober lad

November 14, 2008

a shawl of security

Filed under: Random — Tags: — crossedfingers @ 11:47 am

A friend once told me to always keep track of my true friends. When I asked him why, he basically told me to just do it. Now, I cannot help but think of who to genuinely trust. I have a long list of friends, and a number of close friends, but the number is too overwhelming to narrow down and assess.

If you were to ask me to identify the people who I consider my true friends, I would probably answer you with a sigh. It is not because of the bogus fact that I do not actually consider anyone, but it would most likely be because of the fact that I have not really thought about it. I can give you like three people right now, and then the rest would be subjected for consideration. 

To name the three, oh yeah, I forgot, I will not drop names here so as to not create conflicts. So anyway, I would just describe them and use code names.

First one would be Twin. We have only been friends for less than 3 years and I must say Twin has been one of the people who I have become comfortable with. Twin and I share a lot of commonalities, thus the name Twin. From the food we eat to the style of fashion we adore, we basically like the same thing. On the other hand, with regards to our personal lives, we try to share with each other both our down and happy moments. We consider ourselves as each other’s outlets whenever we want to let something out of our system, especially when we have negative thoughts or feelings towards something or someone. 

And when one of us is wrong, or when one of us is trying to prove something that is merely nonsensical, we try to be as objective as possible to correct each other’s mistakes. Though we have encountered some scuffles in the past, which by the way really took a toll on me and on our friendship, I am just glad to have Twin with me. I really could not imagine my life without Twin. But I am guessing that a life without Twin would be like a life living without a pair of legs, or an ear, or an eye, or a middle finger (you could not just fuck off someone, ha-ha). I could say a lot more about Twin, but I would just leave it to that.

The second person would be…BigBro. I could not really think of a better name, but I guess BigBro would perfectly fit him. As the name would suggest, I look up to him as my big brother. In my entire existence in this planet, I have never, ever had a big brother to look up to. That is why I feel so lucky to have him with me, though there were times when we often have disagreements on things. But nevertheless, his presence compensates for every misunderstanding that we have had in the past.

The last person would be BigSis. Uh-uh, you guessed it right! Ever since my sister got married and left, she has been the one who somehow have replaced the position of my biological sister. Her words of wisdom never failed to make me realize the things that I should be thankful for. Her small pep talks regarding my problems have always helped me remain sane and far from being paranoid. That is why even though we spend less time with each other, I feel lucky to have her in my life.

Well…that would be it. Three is not bad, right? By the way, for the record, I am not saying that my other close friends are not true to me or whatever. Let’s just say that I have not really fully realized their genuineness towards me as of the moment. But who knows, time makes things happen.

Anyway, what I am trying to say here is that it is important to recognize the people who we truly care for and who truly care for us. But I’m telling you, it’s not that easy to identify those people because sometimes they are not actually the kind of people we believe they are. But hey, it’s only a matter of trusting the right people, so go ahead! Don’t doubt, just believe!


  1. I must admit, for the first few entries, I felt bad for not being mentioned. Gusto ko magalit sa sarili ko ngayon.. hindi ko alam bat hinayaan ko na mag drift apart tayo. Trust me, it was never my intention. I’d like to take everything back to the start and from there I’d plan each and every single day I’d spend with you. Sasabihin ko lang dito ang mga random thoughts ko.

    I remember when you asked me to take a picture with you. Whenever we look at that picture, you always say “Ang payat natin dito” — true. Naaalala ko din yung nagmaldita tayong 4 nila Ken and Tabs and decided to live our lives apart from everyone. Hala sige mall tayo ng tayo tayo lang. Naaalala ko rin ang salitang sporadic. Ngayon college lang ata ako naka acquire ng pinaka maraming new words.. naaalala ko rin yung mga moments na nagPhophotobooth kayo and behind my back I’m thinking “hindi to kaya ng powers ko”. I was never the hug-person but somehow I was comfortable being hugged by you. Pinagsisisihan ko ngayon bat hindi ko minaximize yun. Hay.. regrets..

    I hope you understand me James. I will wait for that time. Alam ko I fell short and I’m hoping you see the reasons behind all those. I tried my best to keep in touch. I send you random texts, random wall posts.. since alam ko na yun lang magagawa ko. Sana hindi kana nagtatampo, sana naiintindihan mo na ako. When I last visited you, that day na magiging last na kita natin, yes I admit I was hesitant to act the same. Alam ko may kasalanan ako sayo e, I knew napangunahan kita. It feels weird na magpapasalamat ako sayo for understanding. Alam ko na hindi ka nagtanim ng sama ng loob sakin nun kahit na at first I might’ve shocked you with what I did. I know you get me and that what I wanted was the best for you. For this I apologize.. from the bottom of my heart, I’m sorry James. Sana maintindihan mo ako.

    Again I’m not sure how you’ll be able to read this. I’d be thankful if there’s internet in heaven.. although I know you can read my thoughts. I miss you James.. it didn’t have to be this early 😥 hindi ko parin matanggap, hindi ko maintindihan, hindi ko madigest. Parang napaka impossible parin na wala ka na. Parang hindi siya pwedeng mangyari. Hindi kona maririnig boses mo, hindi mo nako mayayakap, hindi na kita makikita.. HINDI PWEDE!!!

    I will prepare for Friday. This is a challenge for me since first time ko ever magsasalita sa ganito. Know that I love you, you will forever remain in my thoughts, my prayers, my heart. I will miss you and I am looking forward to seeing you again. Til the day we meet again James…

    Comment by Camae — September 23, 2009 @ 8:31 am

  2. behind my back = at the back of my head HAHAHAHAHAHA haynako James namamali mali pa tuloy ako

    Comment by Camae — September 23, 2009 @ 8:35 am

  3. Invisibles… Forever. 🙂

    Comment by Ken — September 24, 2009 @ 2:35 am

  4. I never knew you, but I know you. The following sentence may seem stupid but, I have no assurances if you’re already a departed being, but I’ve been hearing/reading posts by Bosconians in facebook about paying their last respects to James Manalo. And the only person I could think of was you. Funny. I was in 6th grade (you were a senior) and we were in Don Bosco’s Badminton varsity team. You were my idol then. You smashed really well. I’m just saddened by your passing. I realize that life really is short. With God’s loving heart, all is well. I pray for your soul.

    Comment by paolobaluyot — January 7, 2010 @ 5:24 am

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